Willie gots’ta try t’shed some light on de details dat happened t’us dudes. Now, Willie ain’t in t’no details, so’s dis gots’ta be hard and shizzle, but he gots’ta try. Lop’ me some boogie! Some uh dese details Willie himself dun did not see, as he wuz mos’ wasted, but wuz related t’him. WORD!
Alpha quesshuned Alucard on de next steps. Alucard responded dat da damn only ones he knowed wuz de seemin’ly wasted dudes- Raven and Willie, who wuz presumed deceased, and McPhee and Harbaz, who lay wasted in de room. WORD!
Alpha ax’s if McPhee kin be brought back, but Alucard states dat he be incapable uh brin’in’ back any sucka fum beyond dis realm. Clot!
Raven stumbles in, carryin’ de unconscious ultimate male- dat be me, Willie. Raven announces his dojigger, and Willie’, t’Alucard’s bewilderment, and ax’s Raven how bod Harbaz and McPhee got wasted, and whut happened t’Willie. Alpha again fo’gets his place and begins t’answer, and Sneeze says dat he kin prove dat Harbaz be de baaaad dude.
Meanwhile, as dey try t’uncova’ de intrigue, mah’ soul be screamin’! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Right on! Yo! dudes, we gots wasted teammates and ya’ is goin’ all Shaft on us, tryin’ t’solve mah’steries! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Right on! Why not try savin’ yo’ supposed homey’s lives?
So, Harbaz rap rod has some text recently (igno’in’ de dyin’ sucka’s- dun did ah’ menshun dat?) “Strike now, fo’ we shall start da damn assault- V.” Alucard snatch’d de rap rod into his secret office, and says, afta’ some time (while sucka’s is dyin’….) dat da damn usa’ is unknode.
Finally, Raven gives Willie some uh his blood! Right on! De return uh Willie! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Right on! All gots’ta be saved! Preach it loud, bruddah! Well, at least dere be a betta’ chance fo’ some party! Right on!
Alucard states dat da damn Reapuh’s is winnin’ de war. Ah be baaad… De Coven uh de Beast be still playin’ defense only, but da damn Reapuh’s is attackin’ de Beast now, and makin’ progress. Sneeze states dat he be happy, fo’ he be a Reapuh’. Great, so’s our General gots put one uh de enemy in our ranks! Preach it loud, bruddah! Should ah’ begin t’distrust Alice? We dun did real tick off ha’ Goddess….
Rappin’ uh de Pandeon uh Batuque, dat Victo’ia be a funky one. She fed da bud Harbaz’ eyes, and dis told ha’ dat Harbaz wuz some spy fo’ Vlad. Fo’ some reason dis made ha’ creepy pets, de Daemonites, go bat shit crazy! Right on! ah’ have no idea whut dat be about. Man! She den suddenly seems t’rememba’ dat she might be able t’resurrect poo’ McPhee! Right on! Where wuz dat all dis time? WTF? Despite great odds against it, she succeeds! Right on! Seems dere may be one decent Goddess out dere, and it be Yemanjá! Right on!
Raven ax’s Sneeze, o’ Netanyahu, if he be sent by Alice. We wanna check him out. Man! Alice states dat she duz not know Sneeze- great, now ah’ real duzn’t know dis dude. His dojigger be Nyeznaio, and his accent be murder- so’s Sneeze he shall be. Alucard taps some keg uh blood fo’ us, ah’ likes dis dude! Right on!
I ax’ Alucard if dere be a way t’bypass de Queen, a’cuz, well, wo’ld endin’ and all, figure we might ax’ally at least pretend we give. Seems dere be a back side approach drough some crevasse in de cliff, but dere be snow all around. Now Willie be always waaay coo’ wid some backside entrance t’a lady, but snow and vampires duzn’t mix- but boozetight gear wo’ks! Right on!
Raven, he wantsa go drough de front. Man! Alucard tells him de gates is heavily guarded, and den dere be de energy field, de wall, and uh course Big Baaaad Queenie herself! Right on! So’s we is goin’ around da damn back- but fust it be time t’gear down! Right on!
Now we ax’ t’get out uh de war zone dat be Alucard’s lair, and whut duz he produce? A Clottin’ Wonkavato’! Preach it loud, bruddah! Willie know dat movie! Right on! An elevato’ kin only go down and waaay down, but some Wonkavato’ goes sideways and slantways and longways and backways and frontways and squareways and any oda’ ways dat ya’ kin dink of… So’s we dink uh ways, and it starts goin’ all upside de place…. It duz not move fasta’ dan de jeeps, so’s we haid back t’dem, and soon we is back at da damn plane.
Dat be when Willie’s mood be ruined- Clottin’ Hyben be sittin’ dere waitin’ fo’ us. ah’ resist da damn urges fum de oders t’hurt him, curse him, o’ plum aggravate him- we gots some wo’ld t’save! Right on! So, he leaves, and we haid t’Mama’s! Right on!
Now, ya’ know dat Mama’s had t’be rockin’, and it wuz! Right on! We partied while digtin’ our gear togeder- might as well gots fun while waitin’, right? Especially if de wo’ld might end…. So’s we dun did! Right on! We den haided off t’Alice’s, t’check in, and dig our snow gear enchanted. She allowed Sneeze t’be dere, but she dun did not trust him- still baaaad news….
Victo’ia eats Harbaz’ tongue (I knowed dis honky chick wuz funky….) and calls de Clairvoyant. Man! She says dat Sneeze be trustwo’dy, and dinks she be talkin’ t’de spirit uh Harbaz- so’s whut duz she know?
We dig t’Russia, and McPhee ’espuh’tly lands at da damn secret runway. Slap mah fro!
Some dude dojiggerd Ivan brin’s food and da damn Snow Cats we o’dered, and we snatch some day t’get t’de mountains! Right on! ah’ duzn’t likes dis Russia place. No beat wo’d groovin’ to! Right on!
We dig fo’ two days wid Raven and Sneeze’s direcshun, and dig nowhere! Preach it loud, bruddah! Why be dis dude wid us? ah’ mean, Raven be not fum dis awful place, but Sneeze is! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Right on! Finally, afta’ 18 hours we dig somewhere! Right on! Some funky room, where da damn smell uh blood, yum, and warm air, finally, emanate! Right on! Somewhere mos’ civilized, finally! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Right on!
Den we find it be not! Slap mah ’Fro! No honky chicks! No hotel service! Dere is ruined pillars about 3000 years old! Clot!
We follow de blood scent around fo’ some while, and dig t’de drone room! Right on! At last, our goal! Right on! Dere be a big pool uh blood, plum as it had been described t’us! Right on! However, even dough we had made it abundantly clear dat silence wuz one uh our greatest strengds, Sneeze shoots de fust vampires he sees! Clottin’ idiot! We duzn’t wants’ de Queen t’know we is here, and he goes andwastes dose dat may be connected t’her! Slap mah ‘Fro! Not t’menshun de eno’mous racket! Right on! Did ah’ menshun dey may gots been swayed t’our side, against da damn Cult uh Twilight? So, we is now completely screwed. ah’ hope when de wo’ld ends, all know dat it be de fault uh Nyeznaio! Clot!!
Translation: Willie is going to try to shed some light on what happened. Now, Willie is not into details, so this will be hard, but he has to try. Some of these details Willie himself did not see, as he was almost dead, but were related to him.
Alpha questioned Alucard on the next steps. Alucard responded that the only ones he knew were the seemingly dead guys- Raven and Willie, who were presumed deceased, and McPhee and Harbaz, who lay dead in the room.
Alpha asks if McPhee can be brought back, but Alucard states that he is incapable of bringing back anyone from beyond this realm.
Raven stumbles in, carrying the unconscious ultimate male- that be me, Willie. Raven announces his name, and Willie’, to Alucard’s bewilderment, and asks Raven how both Harbaz and McPhee died, and what happened to Willie. Alpha again forgets his place and begins to answer, and Sneeze says that he can prove that Harbaz is the bad guy.
Meanwhile, as they try to uncover the intrigue, my soul is screaming!!! Hey, guys, we got dead teammates and you are going all Shaft on us, trying to solve mysteries!!! Why not try saving your supposed friend’s lives?
So, Harbaz phone has a text recently (ignoring the dying people- did I mention that?) “Strike now, for we shall start the assault- V.” Alucard takes the phone into his secret office, and says, after some time (while people are dying….) that the user is unknown.
Finally, Raven gives Willie some of his blood! The return of Willie!!! All will be saved!! Well, at least there is a better chance for a party!
Alucard states that the Reapers are winning the war. The Coven of the Beast is still playing defense only, but the Reapers are attacking the Beast now, and making progress. Sneeze states that he is happy, for he is a Reaper. Great, so our General has put one of the enemy in our ranks!! Should I begin to distrust Alice? We did really tick off her Goddess….
Speaking of the Pantheon of Batuque, that Victoria is a strange one. She ate Harbaz’ eyes, and this told her that Harbaz was a spy for Vlad. For some reason this made her creepy pets, the Daemonites, go bat shit crazy! I have no idea what that is about. She then suddenly seems to remember that she might be able to resurrect poor McPhee! Where was that all this time? WTF? Despite great odds against it, she succeeds! Seems there may be one decent Goddess out there, and it is Yemanjá!
Raven asks Sneeze, or Netanyahu, if he is sent by Alice. We want to check him out. Alice states that she does not know Sneeze- great, now I really don’t know this guy. His name is Nyeznaio, and his accent is murder- so Sneeze he shall be. Alucard taps a keg of blood for us, I like this guy!
I ask Alucard if there is a way to bypass the Queen, because, well, world ending and all, figure we might actually at least pretend we care. Seems there is a back side approach through a crevasse in the cliff, but there is snow all around. Now Willie is always cool with a backside entrance to a lady, but snow and vampires don’t mix- but watertight gear works!
Raven, he wants to go through the front. Alucard tells him the gates are heavily guarded, and then there is the energy field, the wall, and of course Big Bad Queenie herself! So we are going around the back- but first it is time to gear up!
Now we ask to get out of the war zone that is Alucard’s lair, and what does he produce? A Clotting Wonavator!! Willie know that movie! An elevator can only go up and down, but a Wonkavator goes sideways and slantways and longways and backways and frontways and squareways and any other ways that you can think of… So we think of ways, and it starts going all over the place…. It does not move faster than the jeeps, so we head back to them, and soon we are back at the plane.
That is when Willie’s mood is ruined- Clottin’ Hyben is sitting there waiting for us. I resist the urges from the others to hurt him, curse him, or just aggravate him- we have a world to save! So, he leaves, and we head to Mama’s!
Now, you know that Mama’s had to be rocking, and it was! We partied while getting our gear together- might as well have fun while waiting, right? Especially if the world might end…. So we did! We then headed off to Alice’s, to check in, and get our snow gear enchanted. She allowed Sneeze to be there, but she did not trust him- still bad news….
Victoria eats Harbaz’ tongue (I knew this woman was weird….) and calls the Clairvoyant. She says that Sneeze is trustworthy, and thinks she is talking to the spirit of Harbaz- so what does she know?
We get to Russia, and McPhee expertly lands at the secret runway. Some dude named Ivan brings food and the Snow Cats we ordered, and we take a day to get to the mountains! I don’t like this Russia place. No music worth dancing to!
We dig for two days with Raven and Sneeze’s direction, and get nowhere!! Why is this dude with us? I mean, Raven is not from this awful place, but Sneeze is!!!!!!! Finally, after 18 hours we get somewhere! Some strange room, where the smell of blood, yum, and warm air, finally, emanate! Somewhere almost civilized, finally!!!
Then we find it is not! No women! No hotel service! There are ruined pillars about 3000 years old!
We follow the blood scent around for a while, and get to the throne room! At last, our goal! There is a big pool of blood, just as it had been described to us! However, even though we had made it abundantly clear that silence was one of our greatest strengths, Sneeze shoots the first vampires he sees!!! Clotting idiot! We don’t want the Queen to know we are here, and he goes and kills those that may be connected to her!!! Not to mention the enormous racket! Did I mention they may have been swayed to our side, against the Cult of Twilight? So, we are now completely screwed. I hope when the world ends, all know that it is the fault of Nyeznaio!